[Your favorite blogger’s favorite tweeter’s favorite couple]
DISCLAIMER: This post is only for the dudes. So if you are of the female persuasion, scroll directly to the playlist. DO NOT READ OUR SECRETS. Seriously, do it. I know you’re inquisitive, but this isn’t the time.
I can see you.
I still see you hiding behind the doorpost.
For real this time.
Are the gone? Phew. Alright, now that all of those smelly girls with cooties have left, it’s time to talk about man stuff like welding and crafting your own beers. Have many of you guys like having sex? As a person who has had a bunch of sex (I don’t need to show you proof, just believe me), I think I know a few things about sex activities. Today being Valentine’s Day, some of you bros are going to be having a little sex and some of you are going to be having a lot of sex. Now, whether that’s going to be with yourself or with other human beings is completely up to you and I won’t judge you.
Now that this is sufficiently awkward, I present to you the 1st Annual WPM “Valentine’s Day Spotify (Fore)playlist.” This playlist was intended to assist and accompany you as you try to engage in coitus. Hand this playlist to your favorite club’s favorite DJ and tell them that these cuts are guaranteed to get everyone moist in their respective underwear zones*. Yell it from the rooftops. Tell them your Internet friend Alex Hancock is here for you. Tell them that when this playlist is the catalyst for sex, it brings warmth to his heart.
I hope this playlist will bring you much joy on your journey to sexdom. Know that this playlist was created with you the reader in mind. I hope that every time you have sex to this playlist you think of me. Actually, on second thought, don’t do that. That would be really weird. Anyways, enjoy!
*Results may vary.
I thought the most powerful love ballad of the 20th century deserved its own recognition. This is our generation’s “I Got You Babe”. Word to Sonny and Cher.